Living the Questions

almost never goes the way you think it will.... sometimes that sucks. and sometimes it's wonderful.

ok, so i 've been having a lot of dreams lately....which is likely the result of a lot going on during the day time and a lot on my mind all the time :) sometimes they get me soo curious that i'll look up dream meanings online (i know, this is probably a tad ridiculous, but sometimes, the meanings are interesting....and, it's kind of like reading your horoscope....you like seeing what it says, but don't often put any stock in it). last night, i dreamed that while i was brushing my teeth, i picked up my winter hat and realized it had a huge hole in the top of it. i wasn't all that concerned, i just noticed it and decided i would see if my mom could fix it for me (b/c in real life, she does fix those things for me when she can). and that was it. while this dream isn't all that strange, i decided to look up the separate elements and see what it said... teeth: to dream that you are brushing your teeth, signifies your level of confidence, struggles and aggre...

so, here i am, sitting in my frigid living room, watching narnia (yes, again). and it's at one of my favorite parts. when the darker characters are trying to convince caspian to invoke the power of the white witch. he thinks it will get him what he wants. it looks very promising. and beautiful. and then, almost when it is too late, he realizes what he's doing and can't get out of it. by himself. and in come peter, edmund, lucy, and trumpkin to his aide. together, they fight against these darker forces. together, they are able to overcome the powerful and alluring draw of the white witch. alone, there's no way. but together, they do it. and then, when the white witch's ice wall falls, you see it. Aslan. He's there all the time. He's been there. waiting. watching. for them to come to Him. to trust Him. to follow Him. to lean on Him. He's always there. behind everything. and He gives them help in the form of Himself, but also ...

i thank my God in all my remembrance of you , always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. for i am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus . for it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because i have you in my heart , since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me. for God is my witness, how i long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. and this i pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. in my reading today, philipp...

one of my most favorite things to do on sunday is to check the postsecret website to see the new secrets. i have a couple of the postsecret books and after reading the secrets, i go back through them and save the ones that i like, that i relate to, or that strike me in some way. there's a whole folder on my computer of postsecrets that i've saved. if i'm awake late (early?) enough, i'll check them right after they've been put up. which is what i did today. sometimes, the secrets aren't so good. there aren't very many that are meaningful (to me, i guess i should say....it's someone's secret, so it's probably meaningful to them) or that i relate to or they are just downright ridiculous. today, however, there are many secrets i liked and that resonated with me. here are a couple: i like this one because life is calling...there's a great adventure awaiting most of us and we're not always willing to take it. but also, i like it b...

so, we have this little boy who just cannot sit still. i mean it. ever. it is physically impossible for him to sit still. during nap time, he has to sit still and be quiet until the quiet room comes and he can be away from all his sleeping friends. today, i looked over and he was quietly playing with his stuffed animal and the mailbox in the housekeeping area. i gave him a thumbs up for being so quiet, but told him he needed to stay on his cot. less than a minute later, i hear, "miss brooke! i'm staying on my cot!" my little friend had moved his cot over to where he was playing so he could, in fact, play and stay on his cot at the same time. sometimes, you just have to laugh :)

while i was in ga this thanksgiving, i watched an episode (or 3 or 5) of criminal minds. one of the episodes was about a guy who took a train hostage because the voices in his head had him convinced that the fbi was after him. they pictured the voice he was hearing as a guy who stood over his shoulder, reinterpreting everything anyone said. no matter who it was or what they were saying, the voice convinced this guy that they were lying, they didn't mean what they said, they were all in on it, etc. i know that this is a serious problem (hearing voices) that some people face. but i can't stop thinking about it. don't we all have voices in our heads? no, i don't mean that we're all crazy or anything, but think about it. everyday, in every interaction with others, don't you have a voice in your head interpreting everything, telling you what to think or how to view it? a running dialogue in your head? maybe it's just me. but i don't think it is. th...

a little background: i decided to come home for thanksgiving. i missed it last year, and i just wanted to come home and be a part of it. plus, i would get to see my family and some awesome people i'm blessed to call my friends. i didn't want to tell my parents i was coming home -- i really wanted it to be a surprise. so i bought my tickets (which were completely free -- a gift from God!!!) and started planning. anna and i went back and forth planning and such until we had it covered. the plan was that anna would pick me up from the airport. she had asked our parents to meet her at a starbucks for a little bit. the story was that she had a thanksgiving dinner at work so she would be getting home late and ray (her husband) was going to be out watching monday night football with some people and she didn't want to go home just yet ( how's that for a run-on sentence :)? ). when they got there, i would be there too! so, anna picked me up from the airport monday evenin...

um....can november have gone any faster? thanksgiving is thursday, for crying out loud. before we know it, christmas will be here. absolutely ridiculous.

so, it's been about a week since i last posted. but it feels like it's been about a month. for some reason, this last week feels as though it has been very full, with lots going on. this isn't, however, the case. i haven't been insanely busy. i haven't been out and about all the time. things have happened, but i don't feel as though this week has been any more eventful than others. i tend to measure my weeks by the weekends. that's how i remember when things are happening, or what has already happened. and last weekend seems like it was ages ago. in thinking about this last week, beginning with last friday night to now, i'm coming to the belief that the reason i feel like the week has been so long is because of the emotions i've experienced all week long. the emotional ride i've put myself through this week has caused the week to feel extraordinarily long. emotions are a beautiful thing. a God-given gift. they allow you to feel, to ...

ok, you have to click on this link and watch these videos.... http://improveverywhere.com/missions/ i watched a few of them, but the musicals (grocery store musical, i love lunch musical and the food court musical) are my favorite! enjoy!

today at the j: kids, playing in housekeeping... r: go call my girlfriend. w: who's your girlfriend? c? r: no! (kids keep saying names) w: is it k? r: (looking very insulted) no! she's my wife! hahaha :) and... (trying to talk to one of our kids about being still in circle and helping our friends listen) me: e, i know that you can listen and learn at circle when you're moving and rolling and talking. you understand things and you remember what we're learning even when you're all over the place. e: yep. because God gave me a brain.

so....here's some randomness for you: *i just made a turkey welcome sign. i love it. i'll show you pictures later. *i'm more than a little addicted to the show criminal minds. and may have a slight crush on dr. reid. there's just something about him....i can't figure it out, but i really like him. *my love for this show is just a tad strange. i do not like being scared. and every time i watch it, i get creeped out and scared. but i just can't seem to stop. nor do i want to. *i can't wait for christmas season! it's really hard waiting to pull out the music, the decor, the movies, the food. i can't wait. *following that, there is an event here in fell's point called "old tyme christmas". a full day of awesomeness. i've been excited since i found out about it.....about 2 months ago. *i feel like saying this: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *and that made me miss my sister. because she just gets it. (and to the rest of my family, i miss ...

boy, has it been a long couple of months . so much has happened. meg's wedding/family vacation in charleston. the new school year started at the j. my car broke. and was fixed. and broke again. seeing the reactions of the hope village kiddos when we come to their doors. my computer hard drive crashed. being in a financial situation i never intended to be in. interviewing for a teaching job. waiting weeks to hear from said job, being encouraged by a phone call, then not getting it. being up and down. and up and down. and up and down emotionally. finally seeing where the wild things are. the toilet in our apt leaking. and the hot water giving out. a visit from maria and susan. coat drive with gallery at fast. and hope village. halloween. my one year in baltimore anniversary. and i'm sure there's more. but that's what i remembered off the top of my head. it would be really easy to look at that list and focus on the negative. i know. because there have b...

yes, yes He is. strong enough to carry me through anything. to handle anything and everything. which is something i constantly have to remind myself of. and, as i was taught today at the j, He's even strong enough to carry library books. me: m, why don't you help me carry some of these books back to the library? m: ok. there are a lot of them. (picking up books) i'll have to carry two loads because they're so heavy. me: that's alright. you're doing a great job. we'll take these and get the rest tomorrow. m: i have to take two loads because they are so heavy, but God could carry all of them. He's strong. really strong. He's even stronger than wyatt. me: yep. God is strong, isn't He? but seriously. my God is strong. and He's carried me through everything . i've faced things i never really thought i'd face this year, but God's been there. strong, willing, and waiting. and He gives me strength. a favorite verse: be strong and courage...

so, most of you know that i work with preschoolers. i'm not really sure i ever thought i'd work with kids that young, but i do and i love it. absolutely love them. they are amazing. and a huge part of my heart belongs to them. and, since they are only 4, sometimes we have interesting conversations and situations, and i thought i would share one that happened recently, as well as some favorite parts of my days at the jcc. after the kiddos finish with snack, they play with the puzzles or read books until everyone is finished and we're ready for circle time. i was standing on the edge of the carpet, watching them play, near two of the little boys. they look up at me and boy #1 says, "miss brooke, you're pretty." boy #2 chimes in with, "yeah, really pretty." i said thank you and sat down with them to see what they were doing with the puzzle. We had a chat about the numbers and while we were talking about the numbers, the boys were continuing with the ...

...to say from these last couple of weeks... and i don't even know where to begin. but my mind isn't working well right now because it's a little late for me. so the majority of this post will have to wait. however, i will say this: we saw where the wild things are....completely loved it :) i baked bread today....and it's good! it's cold outside... i have amazing friends!

ok, so i really wanted to title this post "trust", but the first two for the day were "f" titles, and i like a theme, so i went with faith, even if it isn't exactly the same thing. i'm in this bible study and we're talking about trust this week. as the lesson says, "a lot boils down to trust." it asks if we trust God and what do we trust Him for? what hinders/ helps our trust? trust is, for some reason, not always easy for me. i don't think i have past experiences that give me a negative view of people and situations to keep me from trusting people. and i'm a little weird in the ways i trust people. i'll trust just about any stranger i pass to be a good person. i trust that somewhere in them they aren't going to hurt anyone. i trust them for that. for the people i know, i trust them with just about everything. to be there. to be my friend. in some cases, i'd trust them with my life. for example, in college, we drove a lot to...

in case i don't say it enough, i really and truly love my friends and family. they mean the world to me, and i'd do anything for them. because a lot of us are all spread across the country, we aren't always able to spend as much time together as we'd like, but that doesn't change the fact that these people are held very, very close to my heart. i feel that lately i've had the chance to reconnect with friends i haven't been able to talk to lately. it's been nice. you know that they're there and that they're your friends and it may be one of those situations where not a whole lot will change that, even if you don't get to talk a lot or spend a lot of time together. but there's something missing. because your friends are part of you (at least, mine are) and when the connection isn't able to be consistent (or even frequent), you feel it. somewhere inside, you know everything isn't totally right. but when the chance arises to reconnec...

**before i begin, let me thank lauren, who graciously let me use her computer for a bit today. and also, this is the first of 3 posts. none of the topics went well together, so you get 3 in 1 day! it's october. wow. i can't believe it's fall already. time flies. since i last wrote a couple of weeks ago, the weather has gotten cooler, the leaves have started to change color, and fall food has returned. the book festival was....amazing. i loved it. probably could have spent the whole weekend there and been ok with it. we walked around for a bit, looking at all the booths and such, and then headed to the literary tour of mount vernon. while we were waiting for the tour to begin, we walked into the peabody library. and saw the most beautiful room in baltimore (which is what the tour guide called it, and i must say, it was beautiful). on the tour, we were able to see where several authors (and one musician) lived and worked while they were in the city. f. scott fitzgerald, henr...

*i'm really, really looking forward to the baltimore book festival this weekend :) lots of books, people, authors, tours, and readings....can't wait! *i have monday off for yom kippur. yay! *that people of walmart website that has been floating around facebook lately? absolutely despicable. the creators should be ashamed of themselves. *3 words: baltimore book festival. *fame comes out this weekend! *i'm really ready for the weather to turn just a tad cooler. *books! *God loves me, pursues me and provides for me, even when i don't deserve it. *did i mention the baltimore book festival?

it is the southern part of me which is most quintessentially and fiercely alive. pat conroy sometimes, living in maryland, i really miss the south. i know, i know. technically, maryland is a southern state. but it's not. it's not southern in the way georgia (or the carolinas, alabama, louisiana, or tennessee for that matter) is southern. the accents. the courtesy towards everyone -- even strangers. the feeling of community simply because you live near someone. understanding college football. pulling over when a funeral is coming by. having a chik-fil-a within a reasonable distance (which, in actuality, i do. but it seems so far away and it's like we have to make special trips there). the importance of family and tradition. i could go on. but. then i realize that which i miss the most (outside of family and friends who are still there, because those things are irreplaceable) i have. i have a community around me that has become like extended family. i live in neighborhoods th...

it seems like everywhere i go, the more i see, the less i know.... "say hey (i love you)" michael franti and the spearhead. too true, mr. franti, too true.

before i begin, let me just say that on my way home from work today, i spied leaves changing color at the tips of some of the trees! and now. last year at the jcc, one of my favorite kiddos saw my Bible out on the "teacher table" (i had likely been reading it before the kids got there and simply hadn't put it back in my bag yet). anyway, she begged me to let her read it and to read it to her. she called it my "black book" and we read it together several times throughout the course of the year. being that she was 3 and all, i'm not sure how much she actually understood -- or even if she really knew what we were reading. this year, i have most of the same kids in my class, which is both absolutely amazing and really weird for the jcc. the other day, this same girl up and asked me where my Bible was. out of the blue asked if i had it with me and could she read it. although i didn't have it with me that day, i told her i'd bring it with me the next day (...

the air is cooler. back to school. it's football season. longsleeves, closed toe shoes and jeans are making a come back. the holiday season will soom be upon us. fall scents, colors, symbols and foods are all over. yes, i welcome you september. by all these lovely tokens september days are here, with summer’s best of weather and autumn’s best of cheer." helen hunt jackson

some pics from vacation. the pier at folly beach. with the tide far out. anna and me on the beach. a gorgeous sunrise. daddy and momma on the tea tour the little crab on caper's island anna and ray one last time on the beach. the hurricane was creating huge waves. i couldn't stop watching them. the sunset at meg's wedding. the picture does not do it justice. and finally, with the lovely bride. beck, meg, me and steph **it is really bothering me that the spacing of the pictures and words isn't working. but i've tried. i apologize.

of the random things i've been thinking or have noticed. *there are many things which i wish i knew how to do or was good at. but i don't and i'm not. i do, however, feel this urge within me to be able to do these things and/or have people think i can do them. this creates a lot of different "me's" floating around. i need to accept who i am and not try to be something i'm not. learning. *i have a bit of an obsession with children's books. as in, when i finally get the rest of my books from my parents' house in dallas, i won't have room on the shelf for them. *i'm 24 and i still really enjoy disney. and yes, that includes the disney channel. *i like to organize and have a plan and clean and make sure everything has a place. i am also, however, terribly bad at keeping things organized and clean and putting said plans into motion a lot of the time. *it's going to be fall soon. how should i celebrate? *i just rearranged the furniture and bo...

today at work, i was thrown up on. and i will now be keeping an extra set of clothes in my car.

til these things.... uga football -- 9 days the first day of fall -- 26 days the first official fall weather -- ???? where the wild things are release -- 7 weeks thanksgiving -- 13 weeks christmas -- 4 months

ok, so tonight i had a meeting at work. not a big deal, right? well, i walked out of the meeting into a thunderstorm. a bad one. with really big, scary, sinister lightning and thunder. i have a 30 minute drive home. not exciting. if you know me, you know that i absolutely hate thunderstorms. have for as long as i can remember. but they're a part of life. we learn to deal. and drive in them. but for some reason, tonight, this thunderstorm had me totally freaked out. terrified something was going to happen. car wreck. run into less than nice people walking to apt from car. power outage. flat tire. lightning strike. anything. i could see lots of these scenarios running through my head. so much so that i thought i might cry when i got home. or throw up. for some reason, it terrified me. but i made it, thanks to amazing grace.

this coming week will be the last week of summer camp. which also means it is my last week of leaving the house at 7:30 or earlier everyday. my last week of being an assistant in the classroom. my last week of having my afternoons free. it is also my last week before i go to charleston to have vacation with the family and then see meg get married! i gotta say, i'm really looking forward to charleston. the south. the beach. the ocean. seeing my family. not missing work (we have the week off). a wedding with lots of friends. i. can't. wait. and also, i'm a bit attached to the twilight series now, having finished the first two books and the not-finished version of twilight from edward's pov in less than 6 hrs each. thank you tracy.

for those of you who don't know, the kiddos i had over the school year this past year (since i've moved to baltimore) aren't in my class for the summer camp session. this was really difficult to deal with the first day or so of camp. however, it has become easier to be with a different group of kids everyday. some of this is because my old kids are in the classroom right next door to the one i'm in right now, so i still get to see them. every now and then, i'll just go in the room to say hello and give them hugs and such. which is what i did today just after lunch. as i was in the classroom saying hello, one of the sweetest girls from the class wanted to give me a hug. when i knelt down to hug her, she turned her head and her barrette hit me right on the lip. it wasn't a pleasant sensation, but it wasn't something that was going to send me for ice, either. and it was completely an accident. i picked her up and gave her a hug and when i put her back down, the...

O LORD of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in You! yep.

i read this this morning and thought it was interesting. "all the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." havelock ellis food for thought.

There's a mountain Here before me And I'm going to climb it With strength not my own And He's gonna meet me Where the mountain beats me Carry me through Carry me through There's a river Here before me And I'm gonna cross it with strength not my own He's gonna save me when river takes me. Carry me through Carry me through Oh Lord be gentle I'm just a man Please don't crush me With heavenly hands. Oh Lord remember I tried so hard I'm walking toward Your kingdom, Lord There's a sinner Here before me And I'm gonna give them Strength not my own He's gonna carry me when I get weary Carry me through Carry me through Oh Lord be gentle I'm just a man Please don't crush me With heavenly hands Oh Lord remember I tried so hard I'm walking toward Your kingdom, Lord Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Carry me through Hallelujah Hallelujah Lord Sweet Lord Carry me through

here are some pictures of my life in the last few weeks. simply because i don't feel like writing a lot right now. me with sarah, the bride two of my favorite ladies :) my disney day outfit love these friends! my cousins and sister :) celebrating tracy's birthday with some dressy-ness, ra and fondue running on the playground another favorite friend, who's also getting married soon! none of that is in any kind of order, but there you have it....

so, i was bored and took one of those stupid quizzes online. this one was "what part of fall are you?" the result: "you are changing leaves. pretty, but soon dead." i'm not really sure how i feel about that. it can be taken so many different ways....