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faith

ok, so i really wanted to title this post "trust", but the first two for the day were "f" titles, and i like a theme, so i went with faith, even if it isn't exactly the same thing.

i'm in this bible study and we're talking about trust this week. as the lesson says, "a lot boils down to trust." it asks if we trust God and what do we trust Him for? what hinders/ helps our trust?

trust is, for some reason, not always easy for me. i don't think i have past experiences that give me a negative view of people and situations to keep me from trusting people.
and i'm a little weird in the ways i trust people. i'll trust just about any stranger i pass to be a good person. i trust that somewhere in them they aren't going to hurt anyone. i trust them for that. for the people i know, i trust them with just about everything. to be there. to be my friend. in some cases, i'd trust them with my life. for example, in college, we drove a lot to different places. i trusted whoever was driving -- no matter how they were driving -- to protect those of us in the car. i never gave it a second thought. i just trusted them. and typically, if i'm in a group or with a guy friend, i tend to feel that i'm ok because i trust the people i'm with -- completely trust them.
however. i tend not to trust those closest to me with that which is closest to me. my thoughts. my struggles. my desires. my spiritual life. i don't know why. i'll trust you with everything else. but i don't trust you with that.

and so, our study this week is on trust. trust in God, more specifically, rather than people, but it got me thinking. and i'm not sure where i stand.
yes, i trust God. but how much? for everything? i want to. my heart longs to. but do i? i don't know. and i think this is an important issue in my life that God wants me to deal with (are those the right words?).

for the last few weeks, i've had this strange desire to read passion and purity, by elisabeth elliot. it's a really good book and i recommend it to anyone. but i've really been pulled towards it lately. so i picked up my copy this morning and started reading it, thinking it would be interesting since it's a book on "bringing your love life under God's control" and i wasn't thinking that way just now. but i found that i'd forgotten how much of this book is about trust. trusting God. for everything and with everything.
some of the quotes that stood out to me today:
"the heart set to do the Father's will need never fear defeat. His promises of guidance may be fully counted upon."
"when our hearts are set on obedience, we can be sure of the needed wisdom to tell the difference between a conflict and a harmony. it may be a slow and painful process."
"...the best thing to do was pray steadily and wait patiently till God made the way plain."
"i do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts."
"how long, Lord, must i wait? never mind, child. TRUST Me."

so, even though elliot's main focus was waiting and trusting for her relationship with jim elliot, i found that in the midst of my circumstances, where i need to be trusting God and where i'm waiting, i was able to see things in her story that were just what i needed in my story.

TRUST Me.

that's what He asks.
i'm learning. and hopefully, fully trusting.

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