life....

almost never goes the way you think it will....

sometimes that sucks.
and sometimes it's wonderful.

weird dreams

ok, so i 've been having a lot of dreams lately....which is likely the result of a lot going on during the day time and a lot on my mind all the time :)

sometimes they get me soo curious that i'll look up dream meanings online (i know, this is probably a tad ridiculous, but sometimes, the meanings are interesting....and, it's kind of like reading your horoscope....you like seeing what it says, but don't often put any stock in it).

last night, i dreamed that while i was brushing my teeth, i picked up my winter hat and realized it had a huge hole in the top of it. i wasn't all that concerned, i just noticed it and decided i would see if my mom could fix it for me (b/c in real life, she does fix those things for me when she can). and that was it.

while this dream isn't all that strange, i decided to look up the separate elements and see what it said...

teeth: to dream that you are brushing your teeth, signifies your level of confidence, struggles and aggressiveness. you need to look out for yourself and your own interest. perhaps, you feel that your standing or position is shaky (i'm not really sure how i feel about this...looking out for my own interests sounds horrible...like i'm going to do whatever it takes to get what i want no matter who i hurt....and that's not very like me -- at least i hope not! but the standing or position being shaky could be relevant, i guess...)

hat: to see or wear a hat in your dream, indicates that you are hiding an aspect of yourself or that you are covering up something. alternatively, it represents your attitude or the various roles and responsibilities you have in your waking life

hole: to dream that there is a hole in your clothing, indicates that there are some flaws in your thinking or thought process. you may need to undergo an image makeover.

mother: to see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection (there are apparently several meanings for seeing your mom in your dream, but none of them really seemed to fit....especially since i didn't really see her, just thought about her...this seemed the best choice, especially since my mom is nurturing and does offer all of those things!).

fix: to dream that you are fixing something, indicates that you need to reevaluate and rethink a situation or relationship in your life (except that i didn't actually fix anything, i only thought about getting it fixed).


really, the only part of the dream i was interested in was the hole in the hat thing (the rest i wasn't curious about, but decided to go all the way with this little experiment).
i did find it interesting b/c i do hide a lot (not physically, but emotionally, mentally, etc.) from my friends and family (i'm working on it, trust me....it's easier said than done). i keep things to myself far too often.
also, i do have a lot of roles and responsibilities in my life right now (especially since i just got a new, second job at panera) and i've been thinking a lot about all the roles i do play and the ones i would like to play (very different i'm discovering....there are times when you realize that nothing is ever the way you thought it would be and you just have to say, "it is well" b/c you know that He knows and has a plan for all this craziness that is life).
and, lastly, i tend to overthink things, situations, encounters, relationships, etc. you name it and i've probably had it running in circles around my mind for a long time. often, the situations tend to come out worse for the wear once my mind attacks. i tend to take things and apply the worst possible meaning to them. not because i view others around me badly or i don't trust them, but because of me....i make it all my fault. but that's beside the point. so it is fitting that this hole could be telling me there are flaws in my thinking and thought processes.

interesting.
at least it is to me :)

of course, this could just be a dream that is replaying things that have happened in real life. it is cold out, and i have been wearing my hat a lot lately. i do brush my teeth before i leave to go somewhere. the other day one of my gloves got a hole in it, so i could be transferring that....and if my hat really did get a hole it, i probably would see if my mom could fix it when i went home for the holidays. it's all mundane, everyday type stuff.
maybe the rest is just ridiculous nonsense?
you choose.


what do you think about dream meanings? do you ever do this kind of stuff? 
any thoughts about my dream? 
have you had any strange/funny/interesting dreams lately?


love you :)

love me some narnia

so, here i am, sitting in my frigid living room, watching narnia (yes, again).
and it's at one of my favorite parts.

when the darker characters are trying to convince caspian to invoke the power of the white witch.
he thinks it will get him what he wants.
it looks very promising. and beautiful.
and then, almost when it is too late, he realizes what he's doing and can't get out of it.

by himself.

and in come peter, edmund, lucy, and trumpkin to his aide.
together, they fight against these darker forces.
together, they are able to overcome the powerful and alluring draw of the white witch.

alone, there's no way.
but together, they do it.

and then, when the white witch's ice wall falls, you see it.
Aslan.
He's there all the time.
He's been there.
waiting.
watching.

for them to come to Him.
to trust Him.
to follow Him.
to lean on Him.

He's always there. behind everything.

and He gives them help in the form of Himself, but also in the form of friends and family who come along beside each other when they need it the most.

and it makes me think of one of my favorite quotes from the books (which is actually in the 3rd book, the horse and his boy, not prince caspian):
"i was the lion...i was the lion who forced you to join with aravis. i was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. i was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. i was the lion who gave the horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you would reach king lune in time. and i was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."



yep. i love me some narnia.

philppians 1:3-11

i thank my God
in all my remembrance of you,

always offering prayer with joy
in my every prayer for you all,

in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now.

for i am confident of this very thing,

that He who began a good work in you

will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

for it is only right for me to feel this way about you all,

because i have you in my heart,

since both in my imprisonment

and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel,

you all are partakers of grace with me.

for God is my witness,

how i long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.

and this i pray, that your love may abound

still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment,

so that you may approve the things that are excellent,

in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ;

having been filled with the fruit of righteousness

which comes through Jesus Christ,

to the glory and praise of God.

in my reading today, philippians was laid on my heart. when i read the first chapter, i knew why. this verse made me think of all of you.

praying for you today!

love.

a little like of mine

one of my most favorite things to do on sunday is to check the postsecret website to see the new secrets. i have a couple of the postsecret books and after reading the secrets, i go back through them and save the ones that i like, that i relate to, or that strike me in some way. there's a whole folder on my computer of postsecrets that i've saved. if i'm awake late (early?) enough, i'll check them right after they've been put up.

which is what i did today.

sometimes, the secrets aren't so good. there aren't very many that are meaningful (to me, i guess i should say....it's someone's secret, so it's probably meaningful to them) or that i relate to or they are just downright ridiculous.

today, however, there are many secrets i liked and that resonated with me.

here are a couple:

i like this one because life is calling...there's a great adventure awaiting most of us and we're not always willing to take it. but also, i like it because of the words on the side, "handle with care". life is delicate. relationships are delicate. we definitely need to handle them with care.

i really like this one. last year, this was a postsecret with just the words at the top: "next year, i want to get my tree with you." i saved it then, because i love stuff like this. i guess i'm a romantic, like the new secret sender, who saved it! this new one is cool because it reminds me that we're all connected in some way. our lives, our actions, our secrets even, touch the lives of others even when we may not know it.

today, when i checked the blog, there was a video posted at the top. i don't always watch the videos because i haven't really liked most of the ones i've seen from postsecret.

but i am sooo glad i watched this one.

there are some not so serious secrets shared, but three of them really hit me.

*i'm much better before you get to know me.

*you know all those books i won't let you read? they're all love poems written to you.

*i act ridiculous because i have a void in my heart.

wow. just wow.

i started to cry.

sometimes there are secrets that you just don't think you can share with anyone. they're too personal. too deep down. too much a part of you.

and you see that in these people who are vulnerable enough to get in front of a camera and speak aloud their secrets. it's hard. it sucks.

speaking our secrets isn't something we want to do.

because if we do, we lay ourselves open. wide open. and anything can happen when you do that.

even when it's people that you trust with anything and everything. you can't bring yourself to share those secrets.

we're afraid of what will happen. of getting hurt.

but we (i) always feel better when they're shared. when you tell those people you trust the secrets that are too deep down, too close to your core.

because most likely, your fears are unfounded. and probably, sharing your secrets only makes the relationship stronger.

i don't really have an end to this post, other than to say this:

*thank you, post secret, for giving us a place to share (read) our secrets. sometimes. other people say it better.

*i think we need to stop hiding and start sharing. and i'm totally preaching to the choir here....or is it the pot calling the kettle black? either way, i kind of (note: really, absolutely) stink at this, too.

another episode of today at the j

so, we have this little boy who just cannot sit still. i mean it. ever. it is physically impossible for him to sit still.
during nap time, he has to sit still and be quiet until the quiet room comes and he can be away from all his sleeping friends.

today, i looked over and he was quietly playing with his stuffed animal and the mailbox in the housekeeping area.
i gave him a thumbs up for being so quiet, but told him he needed to stay on his cot.
less than a minute later, i hear, "miss brooke! i'm staying on my cot!"

my little friend had moved his cot over to where he was playing so he could, in fact, play and stay on his cot at the same time.

sometimes, you just have to laugh :)

voices in my head

while i was in ga this thanksgiving, i watched an episode (or 3 or 5) of criminal minds.
one of the episodes was about a guy who took a train hostage because the voices in his head had him convinced that the fbi was after him.
they pictured the voice he was hearing as a guy who stood over his shoulder, reinterpreting everything anyone said.
no matter who it was or what they were saying, the voice convinced this guy that they were lying, they didn't mean what they said, they were all in on it, etc.

i know that this is a serious problem (hearing voices) that some people face. but i can't stop thinking about it.

don't we all have voices in our heads? no, i don't mean that we're all crazy or anything, but think about it. everyday, in every interaction with others, don't you have a voice in your head interpreting everything, telling you what to think or how to view it? a running dialogue in your head?

maybe it's just me. but i don't think it is.

the 'voices' may only be my mental 'me'....the 'me' that stays inside my head, that no one else really gets to hear or see. but it's there.
and just like in the show, the voice is harmful. the poor guy on the show couldn't see anything for what it really was or believe what anyone was saying because his inner voice was convincing him of things that aren't true. in real life, the voices we hear in our heads keep us from truly living with those around us -- our friends and our families included. the voices keep us from trusting others. they keep us from being honest with them -- and often, even with ourselves.
the voices are convincing us of so many things: that person meant something else other than what they said, their actions are only pretend, you're not loved, they will use whatever you tell them against you, you can't trust them, no one really cares, you're not good at that job, no one really wants you around, you're not good enough, and on and on.
the voices hurt us. and even though no one else can hear your voices, they hurt others as well.

and so i'm wondering....why are we listening?
why are we letting the voices tell us what to think or what to believe?

there's really only one voice we should be listening to.

it's often small.
and quiet.
but it's always there.
waiting for you (and me) to listen to it.
to be our inner dialogue.
to tell us the truth.

there are a lot of voices running around our heads, making themselves known.
which one are you listening to?