Living the Questions

Do you ever look around and think to yourself that life looks nothing like you thought it would? In the last few months, I've done this over and over again.  I never thought that at 30 I would be basically unemployed, living in my parents' house, single, and without much of a clue as to what my life was going to look like in the near (and far) future. I never considered that I would be so tenuously supported, without a way to securely provide for myself in so many ways.  My life feels so temporary right now -- temporarily living back at home, temporarily borrowing their spare car (because mine decided its life was over when I made it leave New Orleans), temporarily substitute teaching (which is, in and of itself, a very insecure and temporary job). I am waiting on so many things, but mostly, I'm waiting on a more permanent place in life. And a huge part of that is a job that provides the means to support myself, live on my own, buy a car (among other things, like a c...

Story. It's a word with a lot of meanings and uses.  We tell stories. We read stories. People referred to their soap operas as "afternoon stories" (anyone else??). We ask children not to tell stories when we mean we don't want them to lie. For centuries, entire histories of civilizations were passed down through story. Our favorite shows and movies envelop us in stories. Much of what we learn in school and church is told through story. Stories are extremely important to us as a society, as people. They are inescapable. And we love them. We love stories that draw us in, that transport us to another time or life, that inspire us to live better lives and be better people, where the hero (or heroine) wins and the day is saved, where lives and entire worlds are changed. Stories connect us to one another in a way nothing else does. In an ancient and foundational way, we come together as one through stories. They unite us in a mysterious way. This is so evident at ...

As I finished writing the post yesterday and let it sit all night long, it felt unfinished. There was more that didn't fit into that particular writing. There are two other ways in which Proverbs 3:6 is encouraging to me (at the moment, anyway). His straight, not mine  runs in so many more directions than just the one I shared yesterday, directions I don't know or understand. I have a dear friend who I don't get to see that often. When we talk and she asks what my plans are, I usually end up telling her I have no idea! I can't see what's ahead, and I don't know what God wants me to do. She usually says to me that I just need to love God and then do what I want. Because if I'm loving God, then He's going to work it all out. She uses the analogy of a cruise ship. There are a lot of things one can do on board -- swimming, sleeping, eating, playing, etc. But no matter which activity you're engaged in, the ship is still heading in the same direction. ...

Whenever I have a huge decision to make, I stress. My default mode is "what if I'm wrong??" This has been true for the last 10+ years of my life. College, mission trips during college, where to teach after college, quitting teaching, moving to Baltimore, leaving Baltimore, beginning seminary. All decisions fraught with questions, doubts, fears. And I'm there again. Graduated from seminary, looking for the next step. Wondering. Doubting. Questioning. Hoping. Dreaming. Fearing.  Every big decision is the same. You'd think I'd have learned by now just to decide or jump or trust or whatever. But no. The reason for this struggle is that I so badly long to do what I am meant to do. I long to follow God where He is leading, to fulfill the purpose He has planned for me from the beginning. But I'm only human. And so how on earth do I know what God has planned for me? And how on earth can I possibly do that without screwing it up completely?  I look at vers...

It's becoming a theme, apparently, that I only write here sporadically. Mostly because I'm not sure I really have anything to say. This week, however, I feel a blog post is needed, simply because of current life events (and I make no promises about future posts). I just graduated from New Orleans Seminary with a degree in Missions. (For the record, my desire is not necessarily to do overseas missions, but to do urban and inner city missions.) And with events like graduation come questions like, "So what's next?"  The answer? I don't know.  I have no clue what the next step is, where I'll be living, what I'll be doing, or really anything along those lines.  There are so many options I have considered: PhD, staying in New Orleans and working, moving to Atlanta, planting somewhere completely new, working in a non-profit, working for a church, doing something in social advocacy, going back into the classroom, international missions. And o...

2014.  A new year always give the chance for a fresh start. To turn the page and begin writing a new story. Or to turn the page and continue along in the story you've been writing.  Or maybe it provides both.  Though we're already two weeks into the new year, I'm still to some degree looking back. 2013 was an interesting year. Throughout the course of the year, I watched friends get married and have children, celebrated birthdays with friends and family, traveled to Italy and Israel (among other, more local, places), had family vacation in NOLA, saw God provide financially (and in other ways), was able to attend the CCDA conference in the city for free, and learned a whole lot about myself, about others, and about God.  I tried several times throughout the year to write something, but I never could figure out exactly how to say what was on my heart and mind. So I have basically decided to stop trying to recap everything God taught me this past year. There...

I'm not sure I'm very good at this thing (at least when I don't have something going on). There are many posts I've started and then stopped. And many posts I've thought about writing. Or posting pictures. They've obviously never made it to the publishing phase. Here are some random thoughts, until such a time when I can actually post something of substance. 1. College Football season is here! And September starts tomorrow. School is in. There's a distinctly different feel and smell in the air. It must mean only one thing: It. Is. FALL. Finally. I gave up on summer about a month ago. Which is a dangerous thing to do here in New Orleans, where we only really have two seasons: summer and about two days of winter (at least, that's all we got last year. It was quite depressing). 2. I'm taking Hebrew this semester. It's been interesting to actually learn how to read Hebrew, in addition to knowing some random words from when I taught at the Jew...