Skip to main content

On What's Next

It's becoming a theme, apparently, that I only write here sporadically. Mostly because I'm not sure I really have anything to say. This week, however, I feel a blog post is needed, simply because of current life events (and I make no promises about future posts).

I just graduated from New Orleans Seminary with a degree in Missions. (For the record, my desire is not necessarily to do overseas missions, but to do urban and inner city missions.) And with events like graduation come questions like, "So what's next?" 


The answer? I don't know. 
I have no clue what the next step is, where I'll be living, what I'll be doing, or really anything along those lines. 

There are so many options I have considered: PhD, staying in New Orleans and working, moving to Atlanta, planting somewhere completely new, working in a non-profit, working for a church, doing something in social advocacy, going back into the classroom, international missions. And on and on. Each of these options are wonderful, and truthfully, I can see myself doing all of them. 
I have prayed. And searched. And prayed and searched some more. 

But I still have no peace about any of them (that, and no one is hiring in anything that I can do, except teaching). 
So I'm still here waiting. And waiting. 
I hate waiting. 
But God clearly thinks I need to wait. To not know for a little while longer and to sit in the tension. 

Sitting in the waiting is hard, because it is in the waiting that you learn and wrestle, that you strive and fight to keep hope alive, that you struggle against fears of all kinds. This period of waiting has, so far, given God the opportunity to convict, to reveal, to give gifts, to teach, and to draw me closer to Him. 

In this time of waiting, I have felt excited, ready for anything, full of possibilities, ready to jump in and help offer hope to the world. I have also felt hopeless, restless, adrift, set aside, purposeless, and forgotten. I have felt pressure from within and without to know what is next, as well as support and encouragement for me in whatever the next step is. 

So as I have graduated, and you may be wondering what the immediate plan is despite the fact that the long-term one remains unknown and I'm still in a period of waiting, here's my "for now" plan. I'm moving back to Atlanta, where my family is. Most of my stuff is moved already from New Orleans, and the rest of it is coming with me on Friday. It made more sense to me, at the time I was making plans, to go where I could live pretty cheaply while figuring out what the next step is. While I'm no longer completely sure that was the best plan, it's what I'm doing for now. And if following the Lord means I pack everything up in NOLA just to move it back, or staying in Atlanta, or going somewhere new, or doing MORE school, then so be it. 

I love this quote from Rainer Maria Rilke: "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves...the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." 
Frederick Buechner has another of my most favorite quotes: "The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." 

These two quotes embody where I am right now, trying to live the questions, to wrestle them out with God, to let Him lead me even when the path is unknown. Because I know that as He leads me, He will iron out the questions, bringing me to a place where the deep gladness He has set in my heart meets a deep hunger in the world. He will lead me to the place and purpose He has prepared for me.

While I don't know much of anything, I do know that.  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

happy new year! and....a quarter of a century

happy new year, my friends! i hope you celebrated in a fun way and were with people you love :) i was able to see some friends i never get to see new year's eve...and then was back at my parents' house by around 10:15...and was in bed by 11:30.... i did not stay awake to welcome in 2010, but i'm ok with that :) in other news, i'll be a quarter of a century old in a week. 25... i'm not one to freak out about my age (at least not yet) but 25 is a good year, i think. and in honor of my turning 25, i've decided to make lists of 25. because it'll be fun, and who doesn't love a good list? and because i spent yesterday traveling, the first list is a travel list, but is by no means complete or comprehensive....there's no way i could make a full list of everywhere i've been or would like to go.... so, enjoy!! 25 places i've traveled or would like to travel (red = where i've been, blue = where i'd like to go) 1. new orleans,...
5 comments
Read more

motivation!

i think you should know that as i was typing the title to this post, i was singing it to a made up tune in my head... i have two papers due next week. one massive one and one that won't be so difficult. this means however, that i have less than a week to finish both of them and that means that i cannot spend any time doing anything other than work, school, or writing/researching. but. i've developed this "fall break is almost here, i don't want to do anything important right now" mentality. which is curious since i'll be doing school stuff all during fall break simply to catch up and then get ahead a little. so tonight, as i am about to get started on my work, i made a "motivation sheet!" that i can look at when i want to give up: using that verse might be a bit of a stretch, since i doubt the writer was thinking about writing 20 pg papers when he said it, but it seemed to fit. it includes baking and crafting and spending time with people, of cours...
3 comments
Read more

pigeon love

yesterday, i was walking to my car and heard a pigeon. this is not especially unusual because there are pigeons all over the place, their presence just outside my house encouraged by the bird feeder hanging from one of the trees. however, this pigeon caught my attention because it was loud, close and sounded strange. i looked down and saw this pigeon essentially pacing back and forth by the wheels of a car.... where his pigeon friend had been the wheel's unfortunate victim and was no longer with us.  y'all... the pigeon was mourning the loss of his friend. it was so sad and sweet and touching.  i honestly wish i had had a camera to capture the moment. but it got me thinking. about friends, family, community, etc. being missed. don't we all want to be missed and mourned like the poor pigeon was? the kind of people that make the world, our communities, our families, and our friendships better because we are a part of them? and isn't that wh...
2 comments
Read more