don't we all wish we had that?
when we have no idea what is coming or where God is leading or what we are supposed to do, wouldn't it be nice if we felt confidence and peace during the uncertain times in our lives?
over the last couple of months, i've really been wrestling with some uncertainties.
about everything.
who i am.
what i'm meant to do.
where i'm supposed to be.
who God is, and says He is.
who God says i am.
the path God says for me to follow.
asking and struggling. wondering and fighting. crying and laughing. understanding and then being lost in confusion. experiencing peace and then being overwhelmed by worry.
but finally, there is a bit of an end.
because i've made a decision.
one that my soul made a long time before my head, i believe.
a decision to follow. to trust.
to be uncertain.
to leave baltimore.
looking at it through my eyes, i can't say that it really makes sense.
i have a family here.
abounding opportunities to love and serve.
a job (and right now, that's quite important) that i've dreamed about for most of my life.
a wonderful, amazing church.
but i can say this:
i believe that God is calling me to leave and follow Him, and i have peace about leaving.
peace that i can't explain.
peace that is there even when i'm doubting, questioning, not understanding, or crying about what i'm leaving behind.
there is most definitely uncertainty surrounding me.
doubts, fears, hurts, questions, confusions, and even darkness at times.
i don't know what the future holds.
i don't know where i'll be or what i'll be doing.
but as i look at the uncertainties, i also see opportunities, adventures, excitement, new friends, new places and people to love and serve.
through all of this, i believe that God is simply asking me to trust Him.
i've really been learning and realizing (these last couple of weeks, especially) that all i can ever really do is trust.
trust Him.
trust God, Who created the entire world, Who controls the oceans, the sun and the stars.
Who created me, Who knows better than anyone who i am and what i really do need, Who has a path and a purpose for my life.
to have faith that when He says something, He means it. He is faithful.
to obey, even when i don't see what comes next.
because that's all i can really do. i cannot control anything. i cannot see the future. i don't even know what i want a lot of the time, much less what i really do need.
i don't have this down. i'm far from understanding what it really means to trust God and to follow Him. there is so much i still have to learn and to experience. but i'm trying. day by day, moment by moment God is asking me -- us -- to trust Him with everything. everything. i mess this up so often. but by the grace of God, i'm still learning and still trying.
so, i can give into my fears and my failures.
i can listen to my doubts.
i can let my plans lead.
or, i can let go and trust.
i can have faith.
i can obey.
so as my last few days in baltimore are upon me, i'm doing my best to be thankful for the time He has given me here, for the friends who have become a family, for the kids i have been able to love, and for the city that has taught me a lot and always provided entertainment. i'm doing my best to soak in baltimore. to spend some time with the people i love and will miss terribly.
i'm doing my best to trust and have faith through all the doubts and fears (which assail me all the time)
to love the God who leads me when all looks dark.
to be confident that my God will be there and knows exactly where we are headed, even when i am uncertain and don't know.
confidence in uncertainty.
trust in God.
faith in His promises and His word.
faith in Him, the Father who loves us more than we will ever know.
it's harder than we have ever imagined, isn't it?
***edited to add: so, after i wrote this i became really concerned that it sounded really arrogant or show-offy and that is not what i intended at all. i tried really hard to simply share what i was feeling and what was happening in my life. i rewrote it several times, but ended up in the same place i was, sharing my heart and my plans. if it came off in some other way, i'm truly sorry***
when we have no idea what is coming or where God is leading or what we are supposed to do, wouldn't it be nice if we felt confidence and peace during the uncertain times in our lives?
over the last couple of months, i've really been wrestling with some uncertainties.
about everything.
who i am.
what i'm meant to do.
where i'm supposed to be.
who God is, and says He is.
who God says i am.
the path God says for me to follow.
asking and struggling. wondering and fighting. crying and laughing. understanding and then being lost in confusion. experiencing peace and then being overwhelmed by worry.
but finally, there is a bit of an end.
because i've made a decision.
one that my soul made a long time before my head, i believe.
a decision to follow. to trust.
to be uncertain.
to leave baltimore.
looking at it through my eyes, i can't say that it really makes sense.
i have a family here.
abounding opportunities to love and serve.
a job (and right now, that's quite important) that i've dreamed about for most of my life.
a wonderful, amazing church.
but i can say this:
i believe that God is calling me to leave and follow Him, and i have peace about leaving.
peace that i can't explain.
peace that is there even when i'm doubting, questioning, not understanding, or crying about what i'm leaving behind.
there is most definitely uncertainty surrounding me.
doubts, fears, hurts, questions, confusions, and even darkness at times.
i don't know what the future holds.
i don't know where i'll be or what i'll be doing.
but as i look at the uncertainties, i also see opportunities, adventures, excitement, new friends, new places and people to love and serve.
through all of this, i believe that God is simply asking me to trust Him.
i've really been learning and realizing (these last couple of weeks, especially) that all i can ever really do is trust.
trust Him.
trust God, Who created the entire world, Who controls the oceans, the sun and the stars.
Who created me, Who knows better than anyone who i am and what i really do need, Who has a path and a purpose for my life.
to have faith that when He says something, He means it. He is faithful.
to obey, even when i don't see what comes next.
because that's all i can really do. i cannot control anything. i cannot see the future. i don't even know what i want a lot of the time, much less what i really do need.
i don't have this down. i'm far from understanding what it really means to trust God and to follow Him. there is so much i still have to learn and to experience. but i'm trying. day by day, moment by moment God is asking me -- us -- to trust Him with everything. everything. i mess this up so often. but by the grace of God, i'm still learning and still trying.
so, i can give into my fears and my failures.
i can listen to my doubts.
i can let my plans lead.
or, i can let go and trust.
i can have faith.
i can obey.
so as my last few days in baltimore are upon me, i'm doing my best to be thankful for the time He has given me here, for the friends who have become a family, for the kids i have been able to love, and for the city that has taught me a lot and always provided entertainment. i'm doing my best to soak in baltimore. to spend some time with the people i love and will miss terribly.
i'm doing my best to trust and have faith through all the doubts and fears (which assail me all the time)
to love the God who leads me when all looks dark.
to be confident that my God will be there and knows exactly where we are headed, even when i am uncertain and don't know.
confidence in uncertainty.
trust in God.
faith in His promises and His word.
faith in Him, the Father who loves us more than we will ever know.
it's harder than we have ever imagined, isn't it?
***edited to add: so, after i wrote this i became really concerned that it sounded really arrogant or show-offy and that is not what i intended at all. i tried really hard to simply share what i was feeling and what was happening in my life. i rewrote it several times, but ended up in the same place i was, sharing my heart and my plans. if it came off in some other way, i'm truly sorry***
Comments
Katie Simpson