other people's words

sometimes, you find things that other people say and they speak exactly what it on your heart at the moment. this did it for me today...

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself. And the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always. Though I may seem lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Thomas Merton

Comments

His Straight, Not Mine

Whenever I have a huge decision to make, I stress. My default mode is "what if I'm wrong??" This has been true for the last 10+ years of my life. College, mission trips during college, where to teach after college, quitting teaching, moving to Baltimore, leaving Baltimore, beginning seminary. All decisions fraught with questions, doubts, fears. And I'm there again. Graduated from seminary, looking for the next step. Wondering. Doubting. Questioning. Hoping. Dreaming. Fearing. Every big decision is the same. You'd think I'd have learned by now just to decide or jump or trust or whatever. But no. The reason for this struggle is that I so badly long to do what I am meant to do. I long to follow God where He is leading, to fulfill the purpose He has planned for me from the beginning. But I'm only human. And so how on earth do I know what God has planned for me? And how on earth can I possibly do that without screwing it up completely? I look at vers...

my feet

are killing me. because i decided to wear heels on a field trip to atlanta because i didn't want to be too casual at the state capitol. haha :) we had fun, no matter whether our feet got tired or not. i love those kind of experiences because they're different and unique and fun. we were worn out when we got home, but it was a good day. we started at the cnn center. i'd never done that tour before, but it was interesting. i still have trouble thinking that all that news is done right in atlanta...it's kind of amazing. i always see those anchors on the news and it seems as though they are in some far away place, but no. they're here in atlanta. i learned that the floor of the food court is also a map of the world. the tiles are laid out in the shape of continents. a plus of going to the cnn center for a field trip? starbucks in the middle of the school day :) after the cnn center, we headed to the state capitol. it's been awhile since i'd been there, but it wa...

34.

One of the things I love most about my birthday is that it falls so close to the beginning of the year. A new calendar year and new life year start together. I also love that I share a birthday with Kate, Duchess of Cambridge. You know, the important things. I've thought a lot about this year and what it would be like. Not because I've now officially hit my mid-30's (oh my goodness, really??) but what will 2019 and 34 hold? The last two years have been the hardest I've faced. Everything felt like it was breaking to pieces, and I was never fast enough to gather them all up before they landed, or good enough to keep everything together. These pieces were significant chunks of my identity. Things (and people!) I had placed a lot of value in, that I thought defined me, were gone. Slowly, suddenly, systematically, chaotically. It felt very much like I was being stripped away, and that there wasn't much else there. At the same time, the world also se...

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