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ugh. that's all i have to say.

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His Straight, Not Mine

Whenever I have a huge decision to make, I stress. My default mode is "what if I'm wrong??" This has been true for the last 10+ years of my life. College, mission trips during college, where to teach after college, quitting teaching, moving to Baltimore, leaving Baltimore, beginning seminary. All decisions fraught with questions, doubts, fears. And I'm there again. Graduated from seminary, looking for the next step. Wondering. Doubting. Questioning. Hoping. Dreaming. Fearing.  Every big decision is the same. You'd think I'd have learned by now just to decide or jump or trust or whatever. But no. The reason for this struggle is that I so badly long to do what I am meant to do. I long to follow God where He is leading, to fulfill the purpose He has planned for me from the beginning. But I'm only human. And so how on earth do I know what God has planned for me? And how on earth can I possibly do that without screwing it up completely?  I look at vers...
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34.

One of the things I love most about my birthday is that it falls so close to the beginning of the year. A new calendar year and new life year start together.  I also love that I share a birthday with Kate, Duchess of Cambridge.  You know, the important things.  I've thought a lot about this year and what it would be like. Not because I've now officially hit my mid-30's (oh my goodness, really??) but what will 2019 and 34 hold? The last two years have been the hardest I've faced. Everything felt like it was breaking to pieces, and I was never fast enough to gather them all up before they landed, or good enough to keep everything together. These pieces were significant chunks of my identity. Things (and people!) I had placed a lot of value in, that I thought defined me, were gone. Slowly, suddenly, systematically, chaotically. It felt very much like I was being stripped away, and that there wasn't much else there.  At the same time, the world also se...
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movies

i love movies. could watch them all the time. as i've had some more time on my hands lately, i've seen a lot of movies on random channels that have made me say, "i love this movie! why don't i own it??" so here's a list of movies i feel like i should own, or want to own when they come out. *the man in the iron mask *10 things i hate about you *penelope *catch me if you can *sweet home alabama *phantom of the opera *the count of monte cristo *despicable me *how to train your dragon *streetcar named desire *gone with the wind *pride and prejudice (the really long, bbc one -- not the kiera knightley one) *the pirates movies *the bourne movies *grease just to name a few :)
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