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fickle feelings

i started this post yesterday, and it started off with saying that i was just having one of those days....well, things change....

today, i can't say i was doing much better than yesterday. restless, feeling useless (my goodness, i'm not good at this sitting around business...i've done it for long enough), having nothing to do, etc. these feelings have something to do with where i am in life right now -- not knowing where i'm headed or when i'm headed that way and feeling like i'm stuck doing nothing because what if "it" comes and i'm too busy looking at/doing temporary things i'm not supposed to be doing and i would miss it. sorry if that made no sense whatsoever...
okay, so in not knowing exactly what my future holds, i've had a lot of thoughts about it and i'm pretty sure which direction i'm heading. when? what i'll be doing? no answers yet, but the where i'm pretty certain about (98 and 3/4% anway -- anyone know the reference?).
so, i sent a resume and filled out an application and....nothing (only one, you ask? yes, because as a teacher, you only need to fill out one application to the school system....). granted, it hasn't been terribly long since i've done those things. however, i've gotten very down about it these last couple of days. everything seems rather impossible. i know that nothing is impossible with Christ, but sometimes, human nature just gets in the way of seeing clearly. so down, in fact, that i started wondering if i'm wrong. maybe it's not supposed to be this way. maybe... what if...? and on and on. well, today i found something else and felt my spirits lifting.
and then i realized. my confidence in what God is calling me to, my faith in His plan, has been resting on things other than God Himself. i've let my feelings determine how strong my faith is in the plan God has for me, in who I am in Him, and in my view of Him. and i realized, once again, how human i am and how in need of a Savior i am. how wonderful that God's redeemed me!

olympics thought:
last time i said something about how the marathon was not so exciting to watch. and i stand by that -- for the majority of the race. but i got to watch the end of the women's marathon. watching her run in and win that race after working so hard. amazing. and then, to watch one of the women come in after having to stop for awhile because she was hurt was great. she finished, hurt and all. that's what this is about. giving your all. mmm, i think we lose that so often in our sporting events. it's refreshing to see people who do this because they love it and not for the money.
and then, after the marathon came phelps' last swim of the olympics. to watch him attain his goal and win with with help of his team was priceless. history was made.
and i admit it. i teared up watching both of these things happen.

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