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after spending a week with 300 middle and high schoolers in myrtle beach, i'm home. we left early monday morning for the baywatch resort on myrtle beach. the theme for the week was "disturbed". as in, being disturbed by and for God in our love for Him, our love for others and our love for the Kingdom. i really think a lot of the students were impacted and a lot fo good relationships were formed. i'm glad i went -- it was a good week. besides being able to spend a lot of time at the beach, i got to spend some time with some awesome students and leaders.
coming home, though, was difficult. not leaving the camp to come home, but when i got home i was really frustrated. i partially know why, but i was just frustrated with being at home. i really need to go somewhere. i strongly feel it's time for me to leave. i don't think i'll be able to survive very well if i stay here much longer. that said, i guess it all depends on where God wants me to live.
i wouldn't normally admit this. i'm trying really hard to be ok with whatever he says for me to do, but it's getting difficult. i keep getting distracted and start fearing and doubting. i know that it's satan doing his best to keep me from following God as closely as possible, but i'm having a hard time seeing past the fear and doubt. i keep thinking that whatever God has for me will be undesirable to me and that He's never going to do anything that i feel is good -- that i'll be doomed to live a life i don't want if i say yes completely. my head and my heart are confusing each other right now. i know God has plans for my life -- good, wonderful plans. but then my heart says something that makes me doubt that. or my heart will get really happy about something, and my head will chime in with something that makes me fear. i'm finding myself weaker all the time.
hmmm....i guess only time will tell.

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