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today's thoughts

are you ever just inexplicably overcome with some emotion -- be it sadness, joy, worry, stress, love, etc? that's happened to me a lot over the last week or so.

on another note, today at school we had a situation with a coupke of kids. kid 1 came to us and said, "my yo-yo is missing out of my desk. it was right there." no worries, we'll look for it, i told him. so while the kids were being taught a lesson, i went looking for it -- and found it in a bookbag. i told the whole class what had happened and that i wanted to guilty party just to give the yo-yo back by the end of recess, without letting them know that i knew who it was. i was hoping the guilty party would come forward. when kid 2 (aka the guilty party) went to get his agenda out of his bag, the yo-yo in question rolled right out of his bag, with kid 1's name written on it and everything. so i ask kid 2, "what just rolled out of your bookbag?" to which he replies, "i don't know. i didn't see it. i was just putting my agenda up." and then we have a conversation where i'm basically asking him where he got the yo-yo and how it got in his bag and he's pretty much denying any possession of the yo-yo ever. eventually, i just tell kid 2 that i'm going to have to think about how to handle the situation.

there are 2 options: kid 2 is completely lying and is completely guilty, or kid 2 is telling the truth and someone else planted the yo-yo in his bookbag. it wouldn't be the first time kid 2 has lied, or stolen something for that matter. and for the life of me, i can't think of a moment during the day when someone could have planted it in his bookbag, because there aren't any times during the day when we aren't all in the room (and there are 3 teachers in the room at all times. those kids aren't getting away with anything). the only time anyone is in the room alone is when kid 2 comes from his morning class, puts his pencil away, and then goes to specials. so, with the evidence i have and no witnesses, it seems fairly obvious what has happened. but when i was talking to kid 2, hearing him tell me he didn't know how it had gotten in his bookbag, i honestly did not know what to do. i wanted him to be telling me the truth. i didn't want to believe that he could have done what he had done.

and it hit me. that's why i'm not always the best at handling these situations. at discipline in the classroom. because i don't want to think these kids are capable of that. i want to see the best in them, so when i have to face the not-so-good that's in them....well, let's just say it doesn't work out so well. even though i know people are capable of doing such horrible things (including myself; we're all quite capable of inflicting pain and doing stupid things), i don't want to believe it. i want to believe that people think more of others. that when they are faced with the choice, they will tell the truth. that they won't steal or cheat or hit. that all of us, when given the opportunity, will do the right thing. will look out for those around us before ourselves. will take into consideration how others are going to feel when we do what we're about to do. this is what i want to believe. the best in people. even though i know that i'm so far from doing this all the time, and that people do terrible things to each other all the time, i don't want it to be true. i'd rather see what's good. so that's what i choose to do. to see the good and have faith in the best that i know is inside each and every one of us.

the difficulty comes when you are forced to acknowledge the opposite. someone hurt you. someone betrayed you. stole from you. lied to you. abused you. selfishly disregarded anything but themselves. took the last chocolate chip cookie when they knew you wanted it :) whatever it may be, sometimes we're forced to face the fact that we don't always embrace the best that is inside of us.

so how do you keep choosing to see the best in everyone despite the fact that bad things have happened? when you have to discipline some kids because they've let the worst overcome the best? when do you draw the line betweem believing the best in someone and realizing that they are just going to keep embracing the bad? how do you reconcile all of this with forgiveness? with loving others the way Christ has called us to love them? and how do you encourage others to see the best in themselves, when the world tells them to believe the worst?

still choosing to see the best.

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