one of the things on my list of 25 was to become less dependent on makeup (#13). another was to become more comfortable with who i am (#17).
in order to accomplish these two goals (or begin to accomplish them, anyway), i decided to give up makeup for lent. there were a few reasons i chose this specific thing to give up.
here are the reasons i wrote back during lent this year:
1. i'm not completely sure how i feel about telling young girls they are beautiful just the way they are, exactly the way God made them, when i walk around wearing make-up and not being exactly the way God made me.
2. i know that i don't completely believe that myself. i don't like the way i look without make-up on. the natural look isn't for me.
3. culturally and socially, wearing makeup is important. it seems to define us. so many of us wear it all the time that we often aren't comfortable without it - just being ourselves. and so, in some ways, makeup becomes a mask we wear. we hide ourselves behind it, using it to project a certain image to the world. one that may or may not be who we really are. wearing makeup, then, in some ways can enable us to be less than authentic with each other. i know that it has a hold on me and that it impacts the way i feel about myself. i wanted to break its hold and remove the mask.
and here's what happened:
when i first started not wearing makeup, it wasn't a whole lot of fun. because, as i said, i don't like the way i look without it. i'm completely self-conscious. i didn't really want to go out looking the way that i did. i felt very out of it -- like something was off.
as time went on, however, i noticed it less and less. and noticed that no one else ever said anything either. they either didn't notice, or simply didn't say anything.
it just wasn't important anymore. i wasn't focused on what i looked like. every now and then, when i'd see myself in a mirror, i'd think about it, but it wasn't like i thought it was.
i got used to the way i looked without makeup on....and then (and i don't want this to come out the wrong way), but i actually started to like the no makeup look.
it was like i was seeing myself. without the mask. without what i believed society wanted me to be.
and i liked it.
but towards the end of lent, i started wanting to wear makeup again. especially when it got warmer outside, because i'd put on a dress or something and feel like my face didn't match my clothes. i was looking forward to it, but i was apprehensive about wearing makeup again. would i think i looked weird? would i remember how to do it so i didn't look like a clown? would my face flip out on me for covering it up again? and so on...
on easter, i found that i did, in fact, remember how to put it on (just like riding a bike?). however, it took me a few minutes to get used to the way i looked with it on. i just didn't look right at first. i thought about just washing it off and going natural again, but decided against it.
i was not expecting that.
nor was i expecting to be itching to take it off at the end of the day. all day long, i felt it on my face. it felt heavy and oily and disgusting all day long. i couldn't wait to be able to wash it all off. and when i finally was able to take it all off, it was like my skin sighed in relief. but it wasn't only my skin that sighed in relief. it was me. i actually smiled at myself when i took it all off. like i was back. the mask was gone, and just me was there again.
through this experiment, i discovered that i actually like the way i look without make-up on (and, shocker, actually feel "pretty"). i felt like i could be myself because i wasn't as worried about the way i looked. in some ways, i felt more confident (and man, getting ready has never been faster!).
but what i really discovered?
that despite everything -- all the make-up and masks we wear around each other, even around those who are closest to us -- i feel beautiful. because God thinks i'm beautiful. and i am. because He made me that way. it doesn't matter if my face is perfect or i'm shaped a certain way or my clothes are right or what anyone else says about me or what mistakes i've made or what i do right. i am beautiful because i am a creation of the Creator. because i'm a daughter of the King.
nothing -- and no one -- else needs to define me.
in saying this, there are days when i just don't feel this way at all. there are still days where i feel like i have to measure up to the world, look and act a certain way, when i feel my mistakes and my imperfections and what others say define me.
but i know that feelings are not always correct, because the heart is deceptive.
what i know is truth and what i feel is truth are different. often, they are extremely different.
this is the truth i know.
i am imperfect (romans 3:23).
loved (jeremiah 31:3, romans 5:8).
rescued, saved, redeemed (colossians 1:13, isaiah 43:1).
called and chosen (isaiah 43:10, deuteronomy 7:6).
rejoiced over (zephaniah 3:17).
beautiful (song of solomon 4:7, psalm 139:14).
because He says so.
in order to accomplish these two goals (or begin to accomplish them, anyway), i decided to give up makeup for lent. there were a few reasons i chose this specific thing to give up.
here are the reasons i wrote back during lent this year:
1. i'm not completely sure how i feel about telling young girls they are beautiful just the way they are, exactly the way God made them, when i walk around wearing make-up and not being exactly the way God made me.
2. i know that i don't completely believe that myself. i don't like the way i look without make-up on. the natural look isn't for me.
3. culturally and socially, wearing makeup is important. it seems to define us. so many of us wear it all the time that we often aren't comfortable without it - just being ourselves. and so, in some ways, makeup becomes a mask we wear. we hide ourselves behind it, using it to project a certain image to the world. one that may or may not be who we really are. wearing makeup, then, in some ways can enable us to be less than authentic with each other. i know that it has a hold on me and that it impacts the way i feel about myself. i wanted to break its hold and remove the mask.
and here's what happened:
when i first started not wearing makeup, it wasn't a whole lot of fun. because, as i said, i don't like the way i look without it. i'm completely self-conscious. i didn't really want to go out looking the way that i did. i felt very out of it -- like something was off.
as time went on, however, i noticed it less and less. and noticed that no one else ever said anything either. they either didn't notice, or simply didn't say anything.
it just wasn't important anymore. i wasn't focused on what i looked like. every now and then, when i'd see myself in a mirror, i'd think about it, but it wasn't like i thought it was.
i got used to the way i looked without makeup on....and then (and i don't want this to come out the wrong way), but i actually started to like the no makeup look.
it was like i was seeing myself. without the mask. without what i believed society wanted me to be.
and i liked it.
but towards the end of lent, i started wanting to wear makeup again. especially when it got warmer outside, because i'd put on a dress or something and feel like my face didn't match my clothes. i was looking forward to it, but i was apprehensive about wearing makeup again. would i think i looked weird? would i remember how to do it so i didn't look like a clown? would my face flip out on me for covering it up again? and so on...
on easter, i found that i did, in fact, remember how to put it on (just like riding a bike?). however, it took me a few minutes to get used to the way i looked with it on. i just didn't look right at first. i thought about just washing it off and going natural again, but decided against it.
i was not expecting that.
nor was i expecting to be itching to take it off at the end of the day. all day long, i felt it on my face. it felt heavy and oily and disgusting all day long. i couldn't wait to be able to wash it all off. and when i finally was able to take it all off, it was like my skin sighed in relief. but it wasn't only my skin that sighed in relief. it was me. i actually smiled at myself when i took it all off. like i was back. the mask was gone, and just me was there again.
through this experiment, i discovered that i actually like the way i look without make-up on (and, shocker, actually feel "pretty"). i felt like i could be myself because i wasn't as worried about the way i looked. in some ways, i felt more confident (and man, getting ready has never been faster!).
but what i really discovered?
that despite everything -- all the make-up and masks we wear around each other, even around those who are closest to us -- i feel beautiful. because God thinks i'm beautiful. and i am. because He made me that way. it doesn't matter if my face is perfect or i'm shaped a certain way or my clothes are right or what anyone else says about me or what mistakes i've made or what i do right. i am beautiful because i am a creation of the Creator. because i'm a daughter of the King.
nothing -- and no one -- else needs to define me.
in saying this, there are days when i just don't feel this way at all. there are still days where i feel like i have to measure up to the world, look and act a certain way, when i feel my mistakes and my imperfections and what others say define me.
but i know that feelings are not always correct, because the heart is deceptive.
what i know is truth and what i feel is truth are different. often, they are extremely different.
this is the truth i know.
i am imperfect (romans 3:23).
loved (jeremiah 31:3, romans 5:8).
rescued, saved, redeemed (colossians 1:13, isaiah 43:1).
called and chosen (isaiah 43:10, deuteronomy 7:6).
rejoiced over (zephaniah 3:17).
beautiful (song of solomon 4:7, psalm 139:14).
because He says so.
Comments
Thanks for sharing this journey.