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a revelation?

happy st. patrick's day!

y'all....i'm loving this weather we're having.
i mean, the first day of spring is saturday (which means lots of amazing things, including the fact that rita's is free on saturday) and today our temps are in the 60s. the 60s!!!
the sky is blue, the sun is out, and spring is right around the corner. stellar.

so, with this new wonderful weather, we've had off and on throughout march, i think i'm discovering i have a tad bit (major case?) of that seasonal affective disorder, otherwise known as sad. ironically enough, it makes you sad. don't get me wrong, i like snow. and cold weather (scarves? sweaters? fireplaces? yes!). but oh how my mood drops drastically during the winter. this winter was h.a.r.d. in more ways than one, and while i think outside circumstances (totalled car, way too much snow all at one time, working far too much) contributed, i've realized that a lot of my emotions and my moods and how depressed i felt and my lack of productivity were a result of the cloud cover. why do i think this? because one sunny day would come around and my mood would soar. it was like i had no problems. nothing was wrong at all. i'd be able to get stuff done and i'd feel like conquering the world (not really, but you get the point). bring back the cloud cover and the cold, and it would be down in the dumps for me again.
another factor in my consideration of this lies in the fact that last winter pretty much stunk as well, emotionally (without all the extra stinky situations i had going on this year), but throughout spring, summer, and most of fall, life was amazing! everything's fine during those warmer, sunny times of the year (even when it rains in the summer, life is ok). to do lists were tackled, trips were made, i was enjoying life. 
this is why i think i have sad. although, i think they could have picked a better name for it. because when you're thinking about whether it's something going on in your life, saying you have "sad" sounds like you made it up.


also, throughout these long, dreary winter months, i've been wrestling with a couple of things. but one of them is who exactly i am. have you ever really thought about that? who am i?
i didn't really know. i felt like a lot of my life was based on other people. i liked it because they did. i was passionate about something because one of my friends was. i know we all do this, but i really felt that a lot of me was this.
what are really my passions? because, let's face it. there are things that are wonderful that i know a lot of people who like, but i'm really not that into. like recycling. i think it's a great cause and that we really need to be taking care of the earth God gave us, but if it weren't for a roommate in college, a class full of 5th graders and a really incredible recycling program here in bmore that makes it easy, i don't know that i would do it quite as much as i do.
what exactly is my purpose? who am i?
well, someone close to me suggested that instead of just wondering who i am, i should start asking God who He says that i am (because, His opinion is really the One that counts in the end, right?). so i did. in addition to all the other questions.
the other night as i was lying in bed, i was staring at this sign i made a few years ago. just reading it over and over again and staring at the words, when it hit me (or rather, God hit me with it).
the sign has isaiah 43:1 painted on it: "I have called you by name; you are Mine."
you are Mine.
you are Mine.
you are Mine.
see, it doesn't really matter who other people say i am. or who i think i am, really.
what matters is whose I am. and who He says I am.
and i am His.
He says i'm redeemed. beautiful. loved. chosen.
His.

that's what matters. yes, i believe God has a purpose and a plan (thoughts on that another day). i believe He created me to be a certain person. and i'm still discovering who that person is. but even when i don't know the answers to the questions (and have to keep living through the questions), He says, "do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine."


lots of love, to you, my friends :)


so....any thoughts?
on sad? think you have it? think it's made up?
on these questions i'm wrestling with? on becoming who God intends for you to be? have you ever been here yourself?

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