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it's not about me

The name of this blog is "beautiful journey" -- chosen simply because I know that our lives are a journey and, when we allow God to control our journeys, simply beautiful.

And in the name of being on a journey, my journey has come to a crossroads. In the past, any form of fork in the road would make me completely crazy. I would avoid even thinking about it in any form for a long time, and then would come the time to choose one of the paths. I would feel wrinkled and confused inside, wondering what would happen and agonizing over every possible outcome of each decision. A sign that things in life have changed -- this time, at this crossroads, I'm more ok with the change in plans than I have ever been. Of course, there are things I'm concerned about, things I don't understand, and things I wish I knew. But, this time, there is something different. I'm ok with the "not knowing" stage I'm in right now.



God's been teaching me a lot lately about living life for Him and following Him. One of the lessons I think He has been trying to teach me for a long time (and is just now becoming a bigger reality in my life) is that it really isn't about me. Living life as a daughter of the King is supposed to be freeing, lovely, exciting, abundant. And it's supposed to be about bringing glory to the Father. Everything is for Him. Part of that is loving other people. I have always said "I love the people around me and I want to show them God's love." But one of the things I've been wrestling with is that if I truly love others, I will follow God wherever He leads. Because He may have me playing a part in someone else's life that I could never imagine, someone I've never met. And if I don't follow God where He is leading me, then I'm not truly loving those people I've never met. I'm not living as though "it's not about me" -- I'm living for me, and no one else when I have this attitude. That's not the way it is supposed to be. My attitude should "be like that of Jesus Christ" who gave everything He had to follow His Father and loved and served those around Him without thought for His own desires.



It's not about me. This is what I'm wrestling with. I have to come to terms with the fact that no matter what I have said in the past, my life has been all about me. I have lived and reacted and behaved and thought all in ways that proved my life was not about others, or even about glorifying God with everything, but it was about me. I lived for myself. I'm especially proud of that, and not too fond of admitting it. Nor do I think I have it all figured out yet, or that my life will suddenly become "not about me" all the time. However, I am learning and becoming aware and trying. Live in faith.

I am loving having God show up in the most random of places and in ways I wouldn't have thought to continue teaching me to trust Him. For example, I pass a little church on my way to work everyday. I don't really pay a lot of attention to it -- in fact, I can't even remember the name of it. But I noticed the sign the other day. Facing a crossroads in my journey, I read a sign at a church I never really pay attention to: "You don't need to see the path when the One you follow created it." Or something very similar. Hmmm. Interesting.....coincidental? I'm pretty sure it's not.



One last thought....the sunset yesterday was absolutely brilliant. One of the most gorgeous I've seen in a long time, especially here in Paulding. But oh my goodness. I was able to watch most of it as I drove to JGroup. It started all white and shining, but then became more and more red. At one point, the sun was behind the clouds and the rays were coming out from behind them. One really bright, straight ray of deep pink was shooting straight up, like it was lighting up a path to heaven. Mmm. Eyes closed, deep sigh of contentment. Absolutely stunning.

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