Living the Questions

As I finished writing the post yesterday and let it sit all night long, it felt unfinished. There was more that didn't fit into that particular writing. There are two other ways in which Proverbs 3:6 is encouraging to me (at the moment, anyway). His straight, not mine  runs in so many more directions than just the one I shared yesterday, directions I don't know or understand. I have a dear friend who I don't get to see that often. When we talk and she asks what my plans are, I usually end up telling her I have no idea! I can't see what's ahead, and I don't know what God wants me to do. She usually says to me that I just need to love God and then do what I want. Because if I'm loving God, then He's going to work it all out. She uses the analogy of a cruise ship. There are a lot of things one can do on board -- swimming, sleeping, eating, playing, etc. But no matter which activity you're engaged in, the ship is still heading in the same direction. ...

Whenever I have a huge decision to make, I stress. My default mode is "what if I'm wrong??" This has been true for the last 10+ years of my life. College, mission trips during college, where to teach after college, quitting teaching, moving to Baltimore, leaving Baltimore, beginning seminary. All decisions fraught with questions, doubts, fears. And I'm there again. Graduated from seminary, looking for the next step. Wondering. Doubting. Questioning. Hoping. Dreaming. Fearing.  Every big decision is the same. You'd think I'd have learned by now just to decide or jump or trust or whatever. But no. The reason for this struggle is that I so badly long to do what I am meant to do. I long to follow God where He is leading, to fulfill the purpose He has planned for me from the beginning. But I'm only human. And so how on earth do I know what God has planned for me? And how on earth can I possibly do that without screwing it up completely?  I look at vers...