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seeing God's hand

classes started this week.
on top of a job and spending time with people, there's now a ton of work to do, which is exciting :)
i've been in new orleans for 4 weeks as of friday.
coming into seminary, i think i was woefully unprepared for what i would be doing and getting into.
i expected to have an amazing experience, to make wonderful friends, to learn a lot and to simply enjoy being here. i knew it would be difficult sometimes, because life always is, but i didn't really think that it would be a lot of trouble.
i didn't expect to have the struggles i've had.
i didn't expect for it to be this hard, only 4 weeks in.
i didn't expect to have to buy a new computer.
or to feel like i had no friends.
or to feel like i was so out of place.
or to get a job at a place i'm not particularly excited about, and within a few days start hoping that i could find something else.
i didn't expect any of that.

they said at orientation that if you don't have a breakdown at least once while you're in seminary then you probably haven't done something right. i've been here 4 weeks, and i've already met and surpassed my quota.

i don't mean to say or to sound like i'm depressed, because i'm not. or to make you believe that i hate it here, because i don't. i actually really like it here. new orleans is a great place and the people here are wonderful. it's just been hard.
but in those difficulties, i've seen God.

when He provided friends.
and a job (even if it's not my favorite).
and conversations with people that help us understand each other.
and time to hang out in the city.
even down to the fact that about a year ago, God gave me a desire to start reading the Old Testament more and now i'm not only taking the OT class, but i have to read the whole thing this semester. praise God i've read several of the books already because He gave me that desire.
and when i'm really battling and struggling with insecurities and doubts and reliving past situations, i get phone calls from people to encourage me about those very things. and the book i've got to read for my spiritual formation class addressed those very issues in the first chapter.

yeah, life stinks sometimes. it's hard and we don't always understand why. ministry if tough. learning to do ministry is tough. and when you're doing what God has called you to do, when you're stepping into the role God has for you to play, you're going to be attacked.
but in those moments, God is there.
He never left.
and He lets us know He's there by doing those little things in your life. or those big things.
when life is tough, God is strong.
and the tough times help us to learn to trust Him, though it is hard in the midst of the struggle.
but over and over again He says, "do not fear, I am with you" and He beckons us to come to Him, to follow Him and to abide with Him.
and i love that He shows us His love all the time, but especially when we are able to see God's hand in every part of our life and our journey.

Comments

Katie said…
As always, beautifully and eloquently written! Love you!!

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