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a little randomness

my sister has a blog. this is a recent development, but she's a great writer and i recommend you read it. look for "anna" on the side under places to see.
i'm really tired right now, and i don't know why....i'm not really doing anything to make me tired, but it's only 8 and i could definitely go to sleep right now....

i've discovered that one of the benefits of being a teacher is that you get paid during the summer for doing absolutely nothing....this really is a great system....except when you don't have a job the next year and feel the need to save every expendable dollar you're getting so you have something to live on.....this makes summer a little less fun :(
i've occassionally looked for other jobs, but i still don't even know where to begin.....i'm one of those people who like to have an idea of where she's headed or what she's doing before she seriously starts to look for a new job....why? here are some reasons:
1) i don't know where i'll be living. am i supposed to be in a certain city? state? country? if so, i don't really want to explore options in other places.....
2) i don't know what i'll be doing. teaching? ministry? coffeshop? b/c i don't know what career path i'm headed down at the moment, i don't really know where to begin....it's complicated...
3) what if i find something i get really excited about and go in that direction, but i'm wrong and that's not where i'm supposed to be?
hmm.....this is where faith and living get to meet and get to know each other better...(rubber meets the road, i guess?)

on another note....lately, i've been longing for things past -- people, experiences, places...everything i do, everywhere i go reminds me of somewhere else, someone else, something else. maybe this is because i've been going through and organizing old photos, maybe it's a way to escape dealing with things going on in my life in the present....whatever it is, my heart longs so much for these things sometimes, it hurts.
for example, last night i went to starbucks with 2 girls from jgroup. we sat outside with our drinks, amid the smoke and laughter of other people outside and listening to the music drifting over from buffalo wild wings. fun? yes, of course. what did i think of? israel. sitting in coffeeshops or bars in jerusalem, down the way from the hostel, amid the smoke and music of the city, with good friends.
i miss boston and my friends there. i truly wanted to go back this summer, but travel is so expensive. i love cities on the water. big cities that feel small. places where people accept you for who you are and love you even when you're far away, where the people you meet feel like they've been your friends for years. boston (billerica :)) was that for me. i remember sitting on the tourist trolley one day and just feeling good. the breeze, blue sky, and atmosphere of the place were amazing.
i miss my athens kids. the hispanic kids at new life we picked up every monday in their neighborhood, despite the gangs, threats, and possible bad weather. the little church we played outside of. hearing mara call out "broc" because she thought that was my name ("like brocolli?"). seeing them grow up during the three years i was there. my 4th graders at oglethorpe avenue elementary. sweet tatyana and abrasia, neither of whom ever understood how beautiful and amazing they were. wonderful trevez, who tried his absolute hardest, but never could get it and was always in trouble. markell, who had a great sense of humor. and all the rest of the class, who are now entering middle school. i love them so much, and often wonder how they're doing. praying they're good and succeeding and not letting they're surroundings get the best of them. wishing i had a way to get in touch with them.

memories make my heart smile, but also a little sad, for the loss of things dear in the past, and hopeful, for the wonderful places, experiences, and people yet to come.

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