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i never thought this would be hard....

first of all, i'm sorry if my last post sounded really negative....

i'm getting ready for our awards ceremony tomorrow (i.e., i had so much else to do that i'm just now doing the awards). i just finished filling out the awards...i'm making dvds for the kids right now, so i have a little bit of time and thought i would write something.
i never thought filling out awards would be difficult. it's not something you think about when you're in school to become a teacher -- you just kind of know that it's something that will eventually happen and you'll do it because you have to. well, i do wish i had thought about awards ceremonies before now. it's hard picking a kid to get an award above all the others. for example, the other teachers in my grade are giving the awards to the kids with the highest grade in each subject. that's great, but what about the kids who may not have the highest grade, but try their absolute hardest and are really interested in that particular subject? both deserve the award, i think. how do you pick one of those kids over the other?
the citizenship award was another hard one, at least for the girls. i have about 5 girls who truly deserve a citizenship award. most of them are getting other awards -- except for one. do i give the award to that one because she's quiet and often overlooked and isn't getting anything else? is there someone who deserves it more? should i base my decisions on how many awards each kid is getting, or let the kids begin to learn now that not everyone will get something?
that brings up another question about awards -- should every kid get an award? some have truly earned awards. others haven't. but do you create 'superlative' type awards for everyone in the class so that each kid goes home with something? should they learn now that not everyone will get an award/ recognition everytime? or should we help build their self-confidence (which is a whole other issue)?
i have no idea what the answers to these questions are. i never thought it would be this hard to make these types of decisions. they're just awards, but i feel so heavy with the burden these awards carry. my heart hurts thinking some kids may not be getting anything except the certificate of completion (especially with the knowledge that they may never get an award throughout their school career). i feel like, by picking certain kids over others, that i'm telling my students that one of you is better than the others. that's just not true and i don't feel that way. yes, of course there are those kids that i tend to like better (there'll always be a kid you like more that others, no matter how hard you try, sadly enough). but i truly enjoy all my kids and i love them all. what message am i sending them by doing these awards? what are they hearing?

i just don't know how i feel about these things, but i know they aren't easy issues to think about or deal with.
i also know that no matter what happens on awards day, all my kids are special and valuable.




p.s. if you have any thoughts on the matter, i'd love to hear them!

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